Okay, before you all start calling to ask me who I’m marrying – no, I’m not announcing on my blog that I’m engaged to a man with children. (Mom, breathe a sigh of relief).
I’m not engaged at all.
This is about a different kind of marriage, and a different motherhood. And it’s about how God has been working in my heart with these desires.
I want to be a wife. I want to be a mother. This is not news to many of you. No, it’s not because I’m “at that age”. I’ve never been in a rush to get married. I was perfectly happy living the “single life”- being independent, doing whatever God placed in my path, and enjoying myself! Well, until I got home from Africa that is. And then- it was like a switch flipped. My heart got wrecked for the orphans around the world, and God switched on my “mom mode” really quickly. All of a sudden I found myself battling intense longings for marriage and family that I’d never really dealt with before. And I found myself asking – “So what do I do now God?”
Becoming a wife…
God is preparing me to be a wife in a really amazing way… by teaching me how to love my first Love completely.
Revelation 2:4
“Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love.”
God’s been making it clear these days, that before I marry the man He has for me, I have to really grasp what it means to love God as my husband.
Hosea 2:7
“She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them. Then she will say, ‘I will go back to my husband as at first, for then I was better off than now.”
Isaiah 54:5
“For your Maker is your husband— the LORD Almighty is his name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth.”
1 John 4:19
“We love because He first loved us.”
It’s hard, but it’s beautiful.
Last night, Angel (one of our AIM staff) spoke about our time in India being a “love retreat” with God. I’m so excited to have that perspective! My God, The Greatest Lover, is whisking me away from my “world” here to go on an adventure with Him for 3 and ½ weeks! (and to think, I was fearful about traveling alone… HA!)
I can’t wait!
Becoming a mother…
The hardest thing for me on my trip to Africa, was leaving the children behind. I found myself praying crazy prayers like, “God, please send me my husband soon so I can adopt this precious little boy!”
Crazy, right? I know. But it was SO hard knowing how much I loved those children and wanted to adopt, and how very far away I am from actually being able to do that.
Last month, I found myself in Seth Barnes’ office with a dear friend, confessing our desires for our future. Seth heard them, and called Papa Shearman (Andrew) to pray over us. I wasn’t at all prepared for what he had to say.
“God, please make Ericka a wonderful mother to her physical children someday. But God, right now, please make her a mother to the millions of children who have no one.”
Right now. Right then. At that moment, my heart broke into a million pieces. A desire fulfilled. I was speechless.
That prayer has been burned into my heart since that moment, and I find it coming to mind often as I prepare to go to India. At first I wasn’t sure how I could love the children as much as I loved those in Africa. Now when I pray, I find myself in tears – already crying that I’ll have to leave the orphans in India behind after only a few weeks.
I don’t yet know if my heart can take it.
Please pray for me, and pray that God will prepare my heart to go!
Lord let me fall in love with the orphans in India, and help me come home and fight for them with the fierce and unyielding love of a mother! And remind me Father that I’m not doing it alone, I have You, my devoted husband, at my side!
