Often, I get responses of people in awe of what I do. As soon as someone hears I’m a missionary – especially one that cares for orphans, with wide-eyed wonder they begin to utter comments like,
“I could never do what you do”
“You’re so inspiring”
and my favorite- *note the sarcasm
“You’re like Mother Theresa!”
Ladies and gentleman, let me tell you – I’m not.
Yes, it’s true that I’ve done some things the average person would not- like holding lepers’ hands, living in the Indian slums, not bathing for 17 days, letting little African children’s pee, snot, and other joys be on me – those things become the ‘norm’ in the work I do. And yes, I’ve willingly sacrificed the life I thought I’d have – the salary, the car, the wardrobe- all the ‘finer things’…
…or have I?
Last week, I sat in my room and cried for an hour over dishes. DISHES! In the midst of all the wedding planning stress, I let myself get overwhelmed with worrying over which dishes to pick. When I couldn’t find any I liked (that were good quality), I lost it. COMPLETELY. We’re talking a hysterically sobbing, fighting with Rusty, total crying mess!
OVER DISHES.
What’s wrong with this picture?!
I have seen children left with no one in the world, who haven’t been held in months, who walk 7 miles to eat one meal a day. I have seen women dying of AIDS alone in the dirt. I have seen lepers pushed out of society- forced to live the life of an outcast because they are ‘unclean’. I have seen the wounded, crippled, sick, and diseased. I have met the lonely, the forgotten, the unknown and unloved.
And still I sit, in my nice warm house full of beautiful things, wearing warm clothes, eating good food.
And I cry over dishes.
Living in America can do some ugly things to your soul. Wedding planning can make it even worse. Today, I’m thankful that God has given me new perspective. I’m working through the selfishness I’ve seen inside and fighting to pray the prayer,
“God break my heart for what breaks Yours!”
Please pray for me as I continue wedding planning while trying to keep what is truly important, important. Pray too that I can daily have a heart of gratitude, and be a woman who no longer cries selfish tears. It’s true that there’s no use crying over spilled milk, or broken dishes…
but crying for the orphans, the lepers, the men with AIDS, and the
women trapped in the sex trade?
women trapped in the sex trade?
Those are tears that will change the world.
