Tuesday afternoon I got a phone call from a South African number I didn't recognize. The urgent voice on the other end of the line was Rusty Jackson - squad leader for The World Race. "We're okay, we're all okay... I'm fine...but we've just been held to the ground with guns to our heads and robbed. We're fine... I'm okay! Just CALL SETH."

 

To say I was upset would be the understatement of the year, though somehow God gave me the strength to calmly walk into Seth's office and explain what was happening. Seconds later, I completely fell apart. 

 

I guess now would be a good time to explain who Rusty is, though some of you may have seen him mentioned in blogs in the past, or watched our Nsoko video. I haven't told you all about him yet because it feels a little awkward to discuss my love life on my blog. But - I've never shied away from vulnerability here before, and there are many of you who feel like "family" - (you are wonderful supporters and prayer warriors for me, so of course, I want to share this part of my life with you too.)

 

 

Rusty and I met last year in Swaziland during my first trip to Africa. Little did we know, God had in mind to bring us both on staff with AIM! We also never would have guessed that God would take a random meeting in Africa, and grow it into a wonderful relationship. To save you from a very long story - for the past year, God has been faithfully bringing Rusty and I to the place we are now - from a great friendship into an incredible courtship. It's been a long, hard road - especially with him leading The World Race (in the past year, he's only been in the US for about 6 weeks), but God's hand has been so evident through it all. I am blessed to have such an incredible man of God in my life, and very much in love.

 

Knowing that, you can only imagine the emotions that phone call evoked. For me, it wasn't just a brother in Christ on the other end of the phone line telling me terrifying news about my friends. For me, it was the man I love.

 

For the past few months, God has been teaching me a lot about TRUST and LOVE through my relationship with Rusty. Tuesday, those lessons were put to the test. I went a lot of dark places in my mind that day. "What ifs" ran rampant. All I could do was imagine a different ending. All I could think was "what if" Rusty died that day? All I could feel was the pain of losing him, and the fear of God taking him away from me.

 

God reminded me, almost immediately, that I have to hold Rusty in an open hand. He told me I had to trust Him, that Rusty isn't now - nor will he ever be MINE. He is God's, and I needed to recognize that. Unfortunately, I fought that truth late into the night.

 

I didn't WANT to hold him in an open hand! I didn't WANT to trust God! God let him get robbed and held at GUNPOINT! (forget the fact that God, in all His glory and power and sovereignty, kept Rusty and his team perfectly safe. Forget the gratitude I should have felt -- it would take a while for that to surface.) I wanted to close my hand and hold him tight - I wanted him home! (yes, I admit I thought it. Missionaries aren't immune to fear either.)

 

And then I remembered what my Mom always tells me: "I know you're safer in the middle of Africa in the center of God's will, than here at home locked in your room, out of God's will." I always agreed with her before when she said it, but would I believe it now?

 

"But God! You never promised to keep us from death! You never promised to keep Rusty safe! How can I trust you?!"

 

God answered: 

    Because I'm a loving Father who longs to give you good gifts... (Matt 7:11)

    Because I promised to never leave you (or Rusty) or forsake you...(Deut 31:6)

 

Tuesday night I chose to trust God. It's the same choice we all have everyday - the choice to trust (or not to trust) a perfect, wise, loving God; the choice to hold EVERYTHING dear to us in an open hand.

 

Are you holding too tightly to something or someone today? If so, I would encourage you to make the choice to place them in God's hand. You'll be amazed at the peace that comes from trusting Him!

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To read the story of the robbery on Rusty's blog, click here.