I realized it a couple of weeks ago - I realized just how much I'd been living the "Martha" lifestyle out of Luke 10. I could justify it all day - what I was doing was MINISTRY after all! There are needs! Orphans dying! I have to DO something! But the truth is, I was sacrificing the BEST for the good.

Everything I'm doing is good - that's true. And it's needed - I know that! But it's not better than my relationship with Christ. I got a good 'talking to' from someone else who's really important to me, who let me have it! (Tough love, I need it sometimes!) He warned me if I didn't set everything aside, God was going to toss me out into the desert for a time of suffering. He told me I had to let it all go and sit at Father's feet.

He was right, and I knew it. And I also knew I didn't want to be disciplined by God, I wanted to make the CHOICE to lay it all down and chase after Him!

Days later, I found this verse:

It started with repentance - "Father FORGIVE ME please for placing things before my time with you! Forgive me for being too busy, for getting caught up in my "to do list" and for allowing my time with you to be crowded by my crazy schedule. Forgive me for thinking that working for you was more important than being with you! Forgive me for not taking time to rest. Forgive me for losing my focus."

That was followed with REST. Rest, and quietness - sitting silent before Him. It's HARD, but when you fight for it, it's absolutely worth it! Those moments of sitting silent with Him are so sweet...

And I rested in the park - a beautiful park, in an out-of-the-way place, with bright blue skies peeking through the moss covered trees hanging over my head.

And I've rested back here at home, where I found His beauty waiting on me in the blooming roses and the lush green forest overtaking our back yard.

God forgive me for rushing past your beauty without a second glance, when all the while You were chasing after me, romancing my heart!

My schedule is still crazy, but I'm learning that some things have to wait. And yes, I'm still in desperate need of support - I'm currently only at about 35% monthly with my target deadline quickly approaching (May 15) - but that's where the TRUST part of that verse comes in... I trust Him.