Teenagers – this blog was written specifically for YOU. I hope my honesty helps to encourage all of you young women and men struggling with the decision of whether or not to WAIT to have sex until marriage, and dealing with the social pressure & hormones through it all!
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As Valentine’s Day is gets closer, I can’t help but rememberhow incredibly important it was to all us girls in high school and
college. Everyone was hoping for a date with their boyfriend that day or wondering if they
would discover a secret admirer. We wished for flowers and chocolate,
and romantic nights by candlelight with our True Love. Everything we saw in the latest romantic movie filled our daydreams…
Love was in the air…
or… was
it hormones?
it hormones?
Taking a closer look back at high school & college, I realize
how CRAZY our lives were! Especially in high school. Our hormones were
going 100 miles an hour, our bodies were changing, and we didn’t have
the brains or experience to keep up with it all. Now – students don’t
get me wrong, I am NOT calling you stupid! I think you’re all very
bright and have a ton of potential… I’m just saying that high school
is HARD, and I don’t think many (if any) teens are really prepared for it
mentally or emotionally (and most adults don’t understand your
struggles).
how CRAZY our lives were! Especially in high school. Our hormones were
going 100 miles an hour, our bodies were changing, and we didn’t have
the brains or experience to keep up with it all. Now – students don’t
get me wrong, I am NOT calling you stupid! I think you’re all very
bright and have a ton of potential… I’m just saying that high school
is HARD, and I don’t think many (if any) teens are really prepared for it
mentally or emotionally (and most adults don’t understand your
struggles).
I remember all the DRAMA I endured those years. EVERYTHING was
dramatic – everything was the end of the world. I cried my eyes out
over every boy I ever liked, and wrote pages upon pages of
heart-wrenching poetry… convinced I was supposed to find “THE ONE” at
the age of 15 or 16.
dramatic – everything was the end of the world. I cried my eyes out
over every boy I ever liked, and wrote pages upon pages of
heart-wrenching poetry… convinced I was supposed to find “THE ONE” at
the age of 15 or 16.
And I remember the PRESSURE. The pressure to be liked. The
pressure to be popular. The pressure to wear the right clothes (which
in high school were often very low-cut, short or tight). The pressure
to get guys’ attention… to get a date…. to have a boyfriend… and
to be physical with them (because all the other girls were doing it).
pressure to be popular. The pressure to wear the right clothes (which
in high school were often very low-cut, short or tight). The pressure
to get guys’ attention… to get a date…. to have a boyfriend… and
to be physical with them (because all the other girls were doing it).
In the midst all of that pressure, I made a promise to God that I
would save my virginity for my wedding day. It was my 14th birthday
when I signed the ‘For Wedlock Only Covenant’ and put on my purity
ring…
would save my virginity for my wedding day. It was my 14th birthday
when I signed the ‘For Wedlock Only Covenant’ and put on my purity
ring…
… but I had no idea I’d still be wearing that ring 11 years later!
That’s right girls…. I didn’t get married until I was 25. A LOT
of my friends got married earlier – 18, 20, 22. That wasn’t God’s plan
for me. I had 11 long years to wait after I made that promise, and let
me tell you, they weren’t always easy!
of my friends got married earlier – 18, 20, 22. That wasn’t God’s plan
for me. I had 11 long years to wait after I made that promise, and let
me tell you, they weren’t always easy!
I’ve made my fair share of mistakes in relationships. I wasn’t
perfect. Still, somehow God protected me in several bad situations with
some guys I had NO business dating. Somehow God gave me the strength to
keep my promise all those years. And on my wedding night, my gift to my
husband was that same signed Covenant, my purity ring, and all of
myself.
perfect. Still, somehow God protected me in several bad situations with
some guys I had NO business dating. Somehow God gave me the strength to
keep my promise all those years. And on my wedding night, my gift to my
husband was that same signed Covenant, my purity ring, and all of
myself.
I realize that’s an intimate thing to share… and that I’m
putting it out there for the world to read (awkward, since that
includes my mom, dad, and mother-in-law) but I’m not ashamed of it. I’m
proud that I was able to give that gift to Rusty. It was the most
precious thing I could give him. And I wanted to put this out there –
for all the young women (and men) trying to decide what to do.
putting it out there for the world to read (awkward, since that
includes my mom, dad, and mother-in-law) but I’m not ashamed of it. I’m
proud that I was able to give that gift to Rusty. It was the most
precious thing I could give him. And I wanted to put this out there –
for all the young women (and men) trying to decide what to do.
Let me answer your biggest question right now ::
IT WAS ABSOLUTELY WORTH THE WAIT.
(if you don’t believe me…ask my husband 😉
There is a reason God tells us to WAIT… actually
there are about 100 reasons. And without going into all of them I just
want you to know that waiting was not only a way for me to honor God, it was one of the best things I could’ve
done for myself – my heart, my soul, my mind, my body – and my marriage.
there are about 100 reasons. And without going into all of them I just
want you to know that waiting was not only a way for me to honor God, it was one of the best things I could’ve
done for myself – my heart, my soul, my mind, my body – and my marriage.
That’s why I was FURIOUS when I saw the video below. In it, Oprah
berates Bristol Palin for her commitment to not have sex again until
she’s married. (Bristol had a child out of wedlock, but is trying to
make a new start). Oprah tells her she’s ‘setting herself up for
failure’, and even gives her the opportunity to ‘take back’ her
commitment!
berates Bristol Palin for her commitment to not have sex again until
she’s married. (Bristol had a child out of wedlock, but is trying to
make a new start). Oprah tells her she’s ‘setting herself up for
failure’, and even gives her the opportunity to ‘take back’ her
commitment!
When I saw that video, I knew I had to write this blog. Because if
OPRAH, one of the most influential women in the world thinks abstinence
is impossible, then what do our teen girls (in the middle of the
struggle and pressure) think? If the Jonas Brothers & Tim Tebow are
made fun of for revealing they are virgins to the public, then how do
our young men feel?
OPRAH, one of the most influential women in the world thinks abstinence
is impossible, then what do our teen girls (in the middle of the
struggle and pressure) think? If the Jonas Brothers & Tim Tebow are
made fun of for revealing they are virgins to the public, then how do
our young men feel?
I just want to encourage all of you, from the other side. I have
NEVER regretted my decision to wait. I have NEVER wished for more
‘experience’ before marriage. I have ALWAYS been grateful and glad that
I was able to give my husband a part of me that no man had ever known.
NEVER regretted my decision to wait. I have NEVER wished for more
‘experience’ before marriage. I have ALWAYS been grateful and glad that
I was able to give my husband a part of me that no man had ever known.
So, for those of you who’ve made mistakes – FORGIVENESS &
GRACE are waiting for you. It is never too late to start over &
make a new commitment. God does not want you feel condemnation or shame. He wants to make all things new!
GRACE are waiting for you. It is never too late to start over &
make a new commitment. God does not want you feel condemnation or shame. He wants to make all things new!
For those of you who’ve been sexually abused or raped – Please seek
Christian counseling. What happened to you was horrific. IT WAS NOT
YOUR FAULT and God knows that! It grieved the heart of God. He longs
to REDEEM your situation and help you heal from the past.
Christian counseling. What happened to you was horrific. IT WAS NOT
YOUR FAULT and God knows that! It grieved the heart of God. He longs
to REDEEM your situation and help you heal from the past.
And finally, for those of you tempted to give in, tired of feeling
alone in a world where ‘everybody’s doing it’, and wondering if it’s
impossible – please do NOT give up! It is possible with God’s help,
everyone is NOT doing it, and it is absolutely WORTH THE WAIT!
alone in a world where ‘everybody’s doing it’, and wondering if it’s
impossible – please do NOT give up! It is possible with God’s help,
everyone is NOT doing it, and it is absolutely WORTH THE WAIT!
COMMENTS PLEASE!
To all the SINGLE girls & guys out there who’ve made a commitment to WAIT – I’d love to hear your thoughts below! I’d also love to hear from any of you who ‘started over’ like Bristol. I really respect you guys and I think you are all AWESOME!
To all the MARRIED men & women out there who waited until
their wedding day – I’d REALLY love to hear your thoughts & testimonies
below! I think your stories could help encourage other readers who see this article.
their wedding day – I’d REALLY love to hear your thoughts & testimonies
below! I think your stories could help encourage other readers who see this article.
(all other comments are welcomed too 🙂
Awesome words Ericka. We really need to shift the focus off of the “it’s wrong” to “it’s worth the wait, and here are the benefits”. A lot of times we place this discussion in the “it’s going to be hard section” and as a guy in the midst of the battle, it is. But I don’t think the discussion should end there. All young guys (including myself) need to realize that the wait turns boys into men. It’s the ultimate symbol of respect and honor, and what happens in those years isn’t full of dread and hardship. I know my life right now is brilliant, my opportunities are endless, and my potential is through the roof…but if I begin to focus on what I don’t have, that all seems bleak. Teens and college age people need to realize that what happens in the wait is amazing, and they will totally miss out on that if they pursue the wrong thing!
*Disclaimer – I am not implying in my blog that 25 is “old” when it comes to getting married…but when I made that promise at the age of 14 I foolishly thought I’d be married in around 4 years. HA! If I had known then that I’d have to wait 11 more years, it would’ve seemed like an impossibly long time at my age. I want to encourage you though – it was STILL worth it. And it would’ve been worth it if I’d had to wait until I was 30 too!
This is just beautiful! Thanks so much for being so transparent and honest. I am going to have my two teenagers read this blog and I just know it will really encourage them. My two oldest are in the minority (12 and 14) of kids who are choosing to not “hook up”. That is what they call dating now. I hope and pray they are able to stay true to their convictions like you did. Thanks for putting yourself out there and writing this blog. I will pray that other teens read it too and are impacted by it.
Loved this, Ericka. I’m saving myself for my wedding night… and it’ll be good 🙂 Doing it to honor God, honor my future wife, and honor whoever else feels honored by me doing it, haha.
Ericka…i love that you wrote this!!! Seriously…girls (and guys) need to hear this kind of stuff these days and to hear that people really do STILL wait until marriage! I am one of those just like you! I PROUDLY was a virgin when I married my amazing husband almost 4 years ago! Yes, I also made mistakes in a few relationships that I am not proud of…but I did give myself to my husband…something no other guy had known! Thanks for your honesty and I too have NEVER and I mean NEVER have regretted the decision to wait!!!!
Love you girlie! Hope all is well!!
Brooke Tidwell Kearbey
Sweets, you have such a beautiful heart! Thank you for sharing.
I am 25, not married, I am back in college heading in a new direction of life, thanks to God’s mercy. And not only that: I am genuinely loving the picture of singleness God has given me within the community of the church. I know, it sounds crazy and you girls reading this may think I’m lying. It’s not that I don’t desire marriage, I’ve simply realized that during this time of my life I am developing a foundation of relying solely on God for all of my satisfaction, contentment, love and direction. I don’t succeed with being content in that every day, but the days that I do feel that intimacy with God are the days that keep me going when I don’t feel it. It’s taken a long flippin’ time to get to that place. Please don’t be surprised when it doesn’t happen overnight. I think that’s a lie of our culture that seeps its way into the church most unfortunately: that these tight relationships with God are born overnight.
Only on this foundation of God can we really begin to understand and obtain chastity. Chastity and remaining pure for marriage is hard. Believe me. These last few years have been quite a wrestling match with God over what exactly “chastity” means. I’ve learned through my mistakes and frustrations that chastity is a personal virtue. It’s nothing that your mentor or your parents or your church can make you do. I blamed my church for a long time for not holding me accountable, but in the end it was my decision to turn my back on my previous decision of waiting until marriage.
If you’re really looking for a biblical foundation for chastity, you must begin with the understanding that sex is designed FOR marriage and to be WITHIN marriage. It’s not that we are just told to flee from sexual immorality, but that chastity is a part of the whole of the gospel. In her book entitled “Real Sex” by Lauren F. Winner, she states:
Chastity, too, is a spiritual discipline. Chastity is not something you do, it is something you practice. It is not only a state — the state of being chaste — but a disciplined, active undertaking that we do as a part of the Body. It is not the mere absence of sex but an active conforming of one’s body to the arc of the gospel.
If you’re trying to commit to chastity and waiting to give that gift to your husband, I suggest a couple of things. The first is to hunt down God’s character and desires for us as His children. Hunt it down. Proverbs 2:1-12 says:
1 My son, if you receive my words
and treasure up my commandments with you,
2 making your ear attentive to wisdom
and inclining your heart to understanding;
3 yes, if you call out for insight
and raise your voice for understanding,
4 if you seek it like silver
and search for it as for hidden treasures,
5 then you will understand the fear of the LORD
and find the knowledge of God.
6 For the LORD gives wisdom;
from his mouth come knowledge and understanding;
7 he stores up sound wisdom for the upright;
he is a shield to those who walk in integrity,
8 guarding the paths of justice
and watching over the way of his saints.
9 Then you will understand righteousness and justice
and equity, every good path;
10 for wisdom will come into your heart,
and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul;
11 discretion will watch over you,
understanding will guard you,
12 delivering you from the way of evil…
The second thing I would implore to you is that you find one or two women who are older than you to meet with on a weekly or bi-weekly basis. Get real with them, let them love you, love them back, and share life together as friends and sisters in Christ. They (hopefully!) will be there for you, they will see your heart, pray for you, and help keep you accountable to seeking God and this journey of remaining chaste. It is a beautiful thing to have a friendship with a woman who can look objectively at your life when you cannot – particularly a married woman who has “been there, done that”.
The last thing and I will shut up (this is way longer than I anticipated…but I couldn’t help myself!). Read the book “Real Sex” by Lauren F. Winner. Her own struggle and search for chastity within the church have brought a new understanding to me of what chastity is. I’m currently leading 8 women through this book in a small group, and it is a phenomenal dialogue that I think has been missing in the church.
Feel free to reply with questions or find me on my blog and email me. I’m so passionate about this subject because I’ve absolutely screwed it up and have been redeemed by God’s beautiful mercy and grace in a way I never thought possible.
You go girl! As you know, I don’t usually post comments here but this was just too important to me not to encourage you and others about. I couldn’t agree with you more and I’m glad to know that you are encouraging others in a positive way. I’m so glad to have played a small part in your decision all those years ago when you were only 14. It is of upmost importance (for so many reasons) that we honor and obey God’s word when it comes to the gift of sex that He has given us. Our personal purity truly is a priceless gift that only we can give to our husband or wife and it is well worth the wait. (And, yes, Oprah, it is a realistic goal … for ANYONE! Our Creator created us differently from the other creatures in that we have a mind and are able to make decisions!) I speak from experience. As you know, your Uncle Grant and I dated more than four years before getting married. The decision to wait wasn’t always the easiest one but it certainly was the best God had for us! I have never regretted waiting! God Bless! We love you!
Hey gorgeous!
I loved this! Seriously, seriously! Ya know how I have “PURE” tattooed on my wrist? Well, my name means “pure” but the second part of having that tattoo is because it reminds me to pray for and seek God’s heart and passion for sexual purity – in my life and in others.
LOVE that you could share this with us all. LOVE where God’s taken you in order to share with others. LOVE you…and Rusty!
Bless you guys!!!!
preach it, sista. You share from a heart burdened to see a revolution in thinking within our culture and He will use it. Have you read Kris Vallaton’s (Bethel associate pastor) book Sexual Revolution? We read it with our ComLife girls last year. It had some good stuff in it.
Ericka, as your cousin (of some sort), I really appreciate your sharing this. Now that Bennett is 15 and Sara is almost 12, I want to share your blog entry with them. they are both committed to saving themselves for marriage, but your story puts it into great perspective of what happens after the wedding. Thanks for setting such a great example for the rest of the family!
~ Amy ~
Ericka!! This was exceptional!! I am so proud of the heart and spirit you portrayed so beautifully! Love you girl!
I have seen the other side of this and it is far worse than waiting a long time for your God-given husband or wife. It brings death and not life like God requires of us. It brings discord, which is one thing God detests. Not to mention what it does for children brought into this sort of relationship. I am so proud of this new generation and their commitment to honor God in such a great way. And no better time to write it. Keep up the encouragement.
Hey! I absolutely love the fact that you are speaking out on this. I am one that wants to save myself and have been priveledged to do so until marriage. I must admit too that it has NOT been easy. I have screwed up with some relationships in the past but God has saved me by His grace. I also, was sexually abused when I was younger, the man did not get the whole way but he got far enough… this hurt me really bad and I closed off to all male people. I thought they were all bad but God has REDEEMED my life through all of that. I am waiting patiently for the right man to share that moment with!
I was actually asked last week “won’t you regret waiting?”… This was followed by “I don’t regret sleeping with my boyfriend… just a couple guys that were drunken mistakes”. Do I regret NOT having slept with my boyfriend? No. No, not at all.
Love your honesty, Ericka! There is sooo much pressure inside the church to wait and yet our culture is permeated with messages about sex. Just add the hormones and it’s a hot mess, literally. Even more, we’ve failed to have these difficult conversations about sex within the church. It’s not as easy as saying, “Don’t do it.” We need to have permission to speak freely about our struggles instead of feeling shamed into silence. Thank you, Ericka, for giving us permission…
On a side note, there is so much I could say about this topic so maybe I will say it on my blog. You’ve got my wheels turning. Love ya!!!
This is amazing! and so encouraging! at 13 i decided that i was saving myself for my husband, put on the purity ring, and even decided that i wanted only to kiss my husband ever. I’m 19 now, so highschool is out of the way and college is next. This story is so motivating to push forward! Thank you so much for sharing!
-Alexis
We am very proud of you for your stand and for also getting information out that some of us had missed. I have not heard anything of the Oprah interview. That information is shocking! Britt and I dated for 4 years like your Aunt Tammy and Uncle Grant and also made the decision to wait. I feel that God has so richly blessed our lives because of that decision. We have been happily married for 19 years, and I look forward to spending the rest of our lives together. We love you and God bless, Aunt Angie and Uncle Britt
AMEN sister! John and I both waited and I can’t imagine it any other way. I made that same promise you did to my husband (who I obviously didn’t know at the time) and my GOD when I was 13 and never looked back. Sex is such a personal thing and I can’t imagine sharing that gift with anyone but the person I will be married to for the rest of my life. It’s only been 6 wonderful years, but Lord willing, we have many more wonderful years ahead! Love you girlie!
Still waiting….
First off I want to say “thank you so much” Erika for posting this blog. For one not enough girls or guys know “YOU ARE WORTH WAITING FOR”.
For those of you who don’t know me, I am 21 years old and I made a vow at the age of 13 to wait till I was married to have sex…. and although I am still waiting, and like Erika said, it is very difficult at times, God is faithful through it all.
You are worth waiting for, and so is he / she.
For those of you, like me, who have had some hard times through it all… (I’m going to be a little vulnerable here)…. I would recommend buying a journal for your future husband / or wife (guys this is not corny, we women would melt) and when you are struggling, or like me, just missing that person, write in it. I have been writing love letters to my future husband, the good the bad and the ugly, about how I am waiting, and while I am waiting for him I am also thinking of him.
It truly does help, and on my wedding day I hope to not only give him my heart, body, and promise ring, but also this journal that has all the letters of how much I have loved and missed and waited and wanted him from the start.
Thank you again Erika, I needed to hear today what you wrote about it being worth it! I know it… but it is nice to be reminded from somebody who has walked it!
Love ya
Jordan
I so appreciate you writing this!!!
Anthony and I both waited and it was worth every single second for us!
I’ve never had to worry about him comparing me to another woman and I’ve never compared him to another man. It is just him and me.
I never found it difficult to wait dating all through high school and the beginning of college. Then, I started dating Anthony and we knew that we would be married. That’s when it got a little more difficult. The hardest time to wait was when we were engaged because…we were engaged! I knew we would be married soon, but still, God gave us the strength to hold out and it was so worth it!
All you teens, stay strong!
Ericka thank you so much for sharing this! I cant imagine how much courage this took. Thank you so much for your honesty! Im waiting…and waiting… and only 17, so I will be waiting for awhile longer. But Im holding onto the FACT that it will be worth the wait. God will honor it and bless the marriage for it. Love ya lots Girl!
~Taylor
It makes me sad at the influence Oprah has in our society.
Ericka,What a great post! Young adult/teen influence is what it is all about! You young adults must share this with your peers! While some are going to talk about ‘doing it’, you must talk about ‘saving it’ and getting the message out that not everyone is having sex, common to contrary belief.
I can’t help but think that your upbringing has much to do with your decision, but despite upbringing, some young adults choose not to wait.
From a parent’s point of view, I have to tell you from experience, that you can talk to your children all you want, but it is still their peers that have probably the greatest influence on them when they reach the age of 13 and up. I certainly encouraged my girls to wait. (I waited myself.) Neither of them chose to wait, but both of them married – or are engaged to marry- their only partner. For that I am thankful.
There is much debate over whether to tell your children that abstainance is the only way, or whether to provide birth control if they choose not to. My ex-husband was furious with me for telling my girls if they just thought they could not wait, to PLEASE let me know, so they could practice birth control. He thought that I was condoning premarital sex. That is NOT true! We talked about abstaining many times. However, I did not want my girls to lose the chance of making a good life for themselves without a good education, by getting in a situation of starting a family when they were neither mature enough to handle it, or not being finished with college. I didn’t want them to have to support themselves for whatever reason without a college education to fall back on, if the need to be the sole breadwinner would ever arise. I don’t know about my oldest daughter and her friends, but I remember my youngest telling me when she graduated high school that she was the only one of her friends that had not had sex. In her situation, she was able to resist the peer pressure, and for that I am so proud of her!
I do not agree with Oprah, that abstinence is impossible, or an unrealistic expectation, and I believe for many reasons that abstinence should be taught, but we also must prepare for the unexpected. Many a girl has tried to abstain, and failed, and gotten pregnant the first time she has had sex, and it could have been prevented. Young women need to talk to others who are abstaining, and they need tools to cope with the pressure from peers to give in.
When you become a parent of teenagers, you will understand the position that parents must face when talking to their teens. You pray that you have raised them with good morals, that their faith is strong, and that they will make good choices. In the meantime, you do what you can to raise them in an environment where they and their friends are positive role models for each other and others who may not have had someone talk to them about how their choices will affect their relationships down the line. The key is lots of open communication.
Thank you for your initiative in writing this, Erika! I too made a commitment for sexual purity as a young teen. And I also thought I would be married by 21 or so. However, my story is slightly different.
I struggled with always looking for a girlfriend, and I never dated a girl more than a month. I found something that I didn’t like within a month and would break up or sabotage the relationship.
After I was finally tired of the quest for the “perfect girl” I decided to get married. I would have never admitted it then, but I felt like I was settling for my wife-to-be. However anticlimactic I felt my marriage was, I had no clue what the next two months had in store….
No sex. None. Sure, we tried, but it never happened. It was just really painful for her. I was out of my mind anxious about this! After all the raging hormones of our dating relationship we had to stop kissing for fear that it would lead us down a road of regret! And now, I felt completely helpless in trying to engage in the act in which I’d sinfully fantasized about for years!
To make an already long story shorter, we had sex in our first year about as much as I thought we would the first two nights of our honeymoon. I can’t remember an exact number, but it was somewhere around eight.
I’m not writing this with a bitter heart. I only want to add a footnote on Erika’s post. You see, my wife and I have a wonderful sexual relationship now, but God used that first year for His glory knowing that more than anything, sex is what I wanted from my marriage. But the sexual relationship is such a secondary thing – It is not primary! What IS primary is that the Christian marriage be a representation of Christ and His Bride, the Church!
So, if you have made it through all this, my point is simply: Don’t make the mistake of looking forward to sex as the chocolate desert after a long and arduous meal of bitter food. Any food will taste bitter if your mouth is watering for desert. Rather, enjoy the meal; the desert is just another part of it. Seek to be conformed to the image of Christ in all things.
Thanks Ryan for your post! I appreciate you sharing your story… I hope you don’t mind me adding a footnote to your footnote 😉
For all the teens reading, I just don’t want you to think that IF you wait, you’ll be ‘rewarded’ with a horrible sex life your first year of marriage. I think Ryan’s point was – don’t make SEX your driving force behind the decision to marry. Marriage is about SO much more than that!
Everyone’s experience will be different when it comes to sex – especially your wedding night, honeymoon, and first year of marriage…but ours was WONDERFUL! (and I know many others who had the same experience!)
And I love what Ryan said about his sex life now – that he and his wife have a great sexual relationship (after working through their issues their first year of marriage). Sometimes it takes time and work, but God wants to bless Christian marriages with GREAT sex! (He invented it after all! 😉
VERY nice, Ryan!
ericka! so many girls need to hear this message and your story is such a beautiful testimony and is such an encouragment. im totally forwarding this to my high school girls. such good stuff! thank you! love you!
Erika~ I totally agree. I made the same decision as a young teen and I am 26 now with the same commitment. Some people cannot believe I have been able to do stay pure, however, I have never had a feeling to give it up. I know when God places that special man in my life and we say “I do,” it will all be worth it.
I went to a Christian Girls conference when I was 18 years old and in college and I heard a girl speak about keeping a “husband” journal. I have 2….I fill them up pretty quickly. I tell him of issues and things I am dealing with. I will then give it to him on our wedding day and I can’t wait to share my precious gift.
Ericka, I never post comments but as your Aunt Tammy pointing out, this is just to important to past up on. When we thank God for His blessings and use them properly.. to help others and support our families in a responsible lifestyle, that’s just what God intended for us to do. So thank you for stepping forward and reaching out to the unmarried and letting them know the best is yet to come. Richard and I have been married for 32 years, and to know that I gave myself to him only ,was my greatest gift. For Love there is no greater gift of respect and honor. I will never have to look back at other relationships with regrets. Don’t give into the pressure that will come your way! We all think we are so in Love when we are in relationships, but if you wait until your wedding night then you know for sure he or she truly is ready to build a foundation for life. I know I seem old to the young readers, but sex and hormones have never changed, only the people. When the world tempts you to feel that abstainance is not worth it,remember God in not finished writing our tale. If we give up, we’ll never reach the best part of the story.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I was 25 when I married and my husband was almost 28. We are both so glad that we waited until we were married!!! Purity is so UNDERrated in today’s society, sex is worth the wait and most enjoyed in the context in which God created it!
I can’t stress enough that trust between a couple is enhanced when there is no premarital sexual history. I have been married over 40 years to a man who also saved himself for our marriage. I know that if he could wait when his hormones were raging, he has the self control to resist temptation now. I never have to wonder if he will stray. I know without a doubt that he has the character and the strength, and that his commitment to the Lord and to our relationship will keep him faithful – and he knows the same of me. It’s an added measure of trust that you will never have when there have been casual sexual relationships.
As for Ryan’s comment, I would also like to add that teen sex is quite often as UNsatisfying. Outside of marriage, there is no luxury of time to work out the awkwardness of inexperience. Without the constraints of time and place, and in the bond of mutual trust in marriage, sex can be most pleasurable when two people can lovingly communicate their desires. Sex gets better with time, and you might be surprised how satisfying it can be when you’re older than you can picture yourselves now!
Ericka, I cannot thank you enough for writing this article! If there is anything that young girls today need to see, this is it! I have been saving myself for marriage, and now that my wedding day is only about 5 months away, I look forward more than ever to being able to give myself all of him. I have also kept a journal, and that has continually encouraged me to stay strong throughout the years. Now I am able to write to him by name (which has been so rewarding) knowing that it will be something he will treasure. I cannot imagine having done things any different and would not want any girl to have to deal with all the hurtful things I have seen some of my friends go through after choosing a different path. I have trusted God that it will be worth the wait and it means so much to hear that reaffirmed!
Thank you for posting this! There is far too much pressure to have sex in this society. I intern at a hospital for women, and we recently had a patient who was 16 years old and pregnant with her second child. Babies are having babies.
I waited for my husband, I think more out of fear of letting God down than out of love for my future husband. But it was definitely worth it. Was our honeymoon amazing in a sexual way… not especially. Was it amazing to be able to spend time together and be intimate? Absolutely.
My husband is one of those who did not wait, and has regretted it for the entirety of our relationship. We had a lot to work through in the beginning – me comparing myself to the other woman he had been with, him feeling not worthy enough for me – but God redeems and makes everything perfect and new. We have been married for four years now and could not be happier.